Bad Barb and Negative Nancy

No bad behavior is allowed at the Missy Mahjong table.

Sometimes games can get nasty. Bad Barb cheats and Negative Nancy argues about the rules. What comes next? The negative chatter after the game.

As a game host, I have heard all sorts of complaints. Have you ever been on the “Mah jongg, that’s it!” Facebook page? The feed is full of whiny posts and comments about tiles, rules, and players. It has more drama than a soap opera.

Games teach us so many life lessons. Life isn’t fair and life is far from perfect. Even when things don’t go our way, we need to meet adversity with an open mind to improve the situation and ourselves. We must act with integrity and play the cards we were dealt.

Player Exclusion

Whether we were picked last in gym class, excluded from the mahjong group or cut from the sports team, rejection can affect our desire to play games.

Research by Dr. Kipling Williams shows that ostracism can hurt as much as physical pain. Yep, pop some Tylenol because it will help with that emotional bruise just like a physical bruise.

In Dr. Williams’ research, players played an online game of Cyberball. Players were instructed to never pass the Cyberball to one player. That excluded player experienced pain just like physical pain.

Game exclusion happens all the time. The positive effects of play are overshadowed by the negative team- making. Whether it is seat saving at a mahjong open play or cutting kids from a sports team, the exclusionary behavior can hurt deeply.

Competitive play

We all need to take the intense competition and politics out of friendly games. I know… I have said this before, but I want to make myself heard. Nobody is going on a professional mahjong tour, and most kids aren’t going to play in the major leagues.

We need to have uneven players on each team that have a star and an underdog. Would it be fun if we were always rooting for the last Superbowl team?

Teams need to have positive influences and great leaders. If you aren’t the underdog, be the Benny from "Sandlot". Heck, you can even be the Elle Woods on the legal team!

What to do when games are negative

The best thing you can do when games get nasty? Focus on your values.

If the mahjong group isn’t making you excited to play, search for a new group that reflects your core values. Put yourself out there and sign up for open play at a mahjong lounge or charity event.

If the pickleball or golf group is feeling too competitive, take some time to invest in private lessons or more practice instead of the group play. Invest in yourself and your personal game. You may just meet a new partner at the practice range.

When you are seated with Bad Barb and Negative Nancy

Always be the player that arrives with a smile and positive attitude, even if others are negative.

Give the negative chatter all the attention it deserves... none! Once the other players realize you aren’t taking the complaint bait, they are less likely to share negative comments. Misery loves company, so don’t give it any!

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